Following roads paved by a society constructed by men full of avarice and turpitude whose fortunes were made off the backs of underpaid workers has never enticed me.
I’m not here to negotiate my worth with other people and the archaic institutions that so many of us cling to in order to feel like we are worthy enough for love and belonging.
We already belong.
We are already worthy.
It is all part of the great lie that is constantly being sold to us on a daily basis by a society that only cares about how much labor we can produce.
Do not take that poisoned bait.
I’m also not here to mindlessly glide across the surface of earth, traveling the path that so many have taken only to find the same unhappiness they promised themselves they would never endure.
I cannot exist on the surface. I must burrow down deep and tear at the heart of all things that make my life worth living.
Run them through my fingers,
smell,
taste,
devour.
I’m here for the common burn that unites us.
A reminder of our humanity in a world that is constantly attempting to make us forget.
A common burn is what has always tethered me to life and living.
It is what pulled me back into my body when I wanted so desperately to float away into the black nothingness of grief.
A common burn,
the moments when you realize that we are all deeply flawed, messy people just trying to undo all that was done long ago when we were dependent on others for nurturing and survival.
We forget, then we remember, forget, then remember again.
A common burn,
the moment when we are seen exactly as we are.
No airs.
No armor.
None of that calloused pain covering our most tender bits.
Stripped bare in front of one another with nothing but our ache for life and love dripping from our lips and skin.
Eyes meet, connection is made, bodies soften, and we enter the space of acceptance and understanding.
This is where love resides and this is where I wish to exist as much as possible.
These moments in life are what interest me and invigorate my deep love—as strange as it all is—for being human.
Feeling seen, heard, loved, and safe through a mutual connection, whether it is platonic or romantic.
That’s where the magic happens. That’s when you laugh a little deeper and love a little harder.
This can only be done with vulnerability and authenticity.
I want to know the thoughts that creep into your mind when you’re alone and have hours to daydream. The good, the bad, the frightening, the silly.
I want to know what it is you do that brings the same joy you felt as a child and if you don’t have something that creates that joy, why not?
I want to see and hear your weird quirks that make me do a double take because I have to make sure I just saw/heard what I think I did. Then I want to laugh together because they’re so damn wonderful.
I want to know the most painful things you’ve ever had to survive, the things that very nearly killed you, and I want to know if you still feel that same pain now?
I want to see and experience your deepest, most vibrant hues that you’ve been conditioned to cover up in fear of rejection.
This is what makes me so happy to be alive.
To be in community.
To be in love.
To experience a common burn, together.
Again and again.
In and out lists, “optimization” (I mute/block people who use this word), life hacks, work hacks, creating content…all of this community/social media/internet speak could not bore me more. Moving away from our deeply unique humanity, allowing ourselves to be shoved towards a more homogeneous existence repulses me. You don’t need to hack your life or your work. You don’t need other people to tell you what is “in” and what is “out”. You don’t need to be more. You don’t need to be less.
The amount of people I witness giving up their sovereignty, stuffing their emotions into the coldest, darkest parts of themselves until they forget they ever felt at all because they so desperately desire connection and belonging, breaks my heart.
They think if they become the blandest version of themselves that it will be easier to slide into community. That if their gorgeous sharp edges forged by their life’s fire are filed down into something easier to digest, they will experience acceptance.
No!
Those cold, dark places are not where community, connection, and love, live.
People have become so terrified of their emotions, their vulnerability, their desires, their passions, their uniquely beautiful quirks, all of the incredible ingredients that make us the wondrous humans we are, all to make sure we blend into the fugly fabric that is this society.
It is ghastly and I want no part of it.
The other day I had a friend apologize to me for crying because she was experiencing grief (one of her family members died) and my mouth dropped. That was exactly what she was supposed to be doing. Crying, feeling anger and abandonment, EXPRESSING EMOTIONS.
She said she knew it was natural yet she felt inclined to apologize anyways.
In the same week a writer apologized for lamenting grief over their dead grandparent in their newsletter.
We are failing each other when we feel the need to apologize for being human.
If we writers are apologizing for our feelings, what bizarro world are we maintaining?
What are we doing?
What are we contributing?
Are we pushing ourselves farther from humanity or closer to it?
There comes a time in everyone’s life when you must ask yourself, “What am I here for?” and it will be in that moment when you can no longer afford to waste time nor waste yourself.
It is possible to participate in society without losing what makes you uniquely you.
It is possible to be a deeply flawed, messy human and still be loved. In fact, I would argue that you would become more beloved. Despite what our society tells us, we humans LOVE vulnerability.
Most of us are too conditioned to believe otherwise and too terrified to try.
It is possible to find and experience a common burn every single day with the most incredible people you could ever imagine.
Here is your sign.
Go be brave.
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Love always,
Jenovia
I work in finance and I’ve started cosplaying a finance girl and sometimes it’s the only thing that keeps me going. Loafers collared shirts dark academia vibes. Cheers to finding ways to still be out weird selves in 2024!
I’m very glad to hear you’re feeling better, but i’m even more glad to hear that you block people for using the word “optimization.” Somebody has to take a stand on that, and i was afraid it was going to have to be me.